Words
by ReusLurid
Summary: Havoc's lovelife was never smooth. How is he supposed to confess that his attention is averted to a certain colonel? Roy, dwelling on the past, too has a lot of things to say. Who knew soup and strange booze could start something new with the two?


Full Summary: _Havoc is confused. Emotion, such a difficult part of life. He never could understand it. Fondness, that was definitely something familiar. He was used to it. Love, those feelings were almost always crushed throughout his life… by girls. But how would he deal with it this time when his attention is averted to a certain colonel? The lady's man, – or, at least he was – Roy, too has a lot of things to say to him, yet half his heart still dwells on the past and he too feels the immense insecurity. Who knew soup and strange booze could help spell everything out right and start a little something going on with the two? _

A/N: My first shounen-ai/BL oneshot. Please read and review There's another author's note waaay below but don't read it 'til you finish 'coz that's the one that clears things up. HavocXRoy. It's confession time... :3

BTW the dashes I put in between some paragraphs mean that stuff happened in between but I obviously didn't write those scenes anymore.

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_Words _

"Come in."

Colonel Roy Mustang's office was one of the frequently entered quarters here at the military. Those doors of which were only to be opened upon a purpose for business, such as paperwork, maybe? It could be the outcome of the fact that his rank level had the great possibility of going up another notch.

On a side that had always been known of him, indeed, things were looking good with him on the promotion ladder. You would think that a guy like the colonel would be a workaholic. In fact that notion set through almost like wild fire that social calls were hardly ever permissible in his case.

As harsh as the military could get, these were its standards. That was their flow as fishes – no, dogs would be more appropriate.

Military dogs.

And despite the belief of most of these canine creatures being one of the very diligent, hardworking, and intelligent, a few in a million chose to become those strays. Specifically one being a certain idler.

The colonel was once again doing his best to slack off, completely ignoring the orthodox duties of a higher-up such as himself. Well, they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, exactly why that quote applies and fits to a T. The colonel wasn't at all old, but he certainly would not change his arrogant, nonchalant demeanor for a newer one. It's a wonder how he seems to keep up with his duties anyway.

"Who is it?" he asked upon hearing the door click open, barely even looking up from the sorry stack of folders in his hands. Apparently, he was doing a good job at looking "busy".

"Uh, Havoc, sir…" a younger but firm looking blond peeked halfway from the other side of the oaken door. The brown-tipped cigarette that rested on his lips kept shifting as he talked, "You called?"

Mustang slightly lifted his head, although his focus still cast down on the stack of papers, "Called? Of course not, I did no such thing. I have got far too much work on my ass for such an impromptu waste of time from – now where the hell are those diagrams?!" Roy exasperatedly scoured through his already opened desk drawers making papers of different colors and sizes fly through the air, and all Havoc could do was watch. This was what Roy got for delaying his work to take a stroll in the park.

A lone blue paper was then left on the tabletop after the rummage. It was eventually picked up by the flame alchemist's hands then leaving a cringe of satisfaction on his face, "There it is. Now if you'll kindly leave me to finish in this hellhole. You can as well see that I have to time to call for someone like – "

Roy paused to finally look up, seeing a dumbfounded lieutenant staring back at him in confusion. And after what seemed like hours, the colonel's soul, rather, brain had come back down to Earth as he sounded out, "Oh, Havoc! Just the man I wanted to see!"

The sudden change of atmosphere brought the lieutenant to surprise. Five seconds ago, Mustang was ready to fry him, and right now he's happy to see him…? A feeling passed his stomach just then, like butterflies or what not.

That was unexpected.

And so was the fact that an amusingly bright color was painted over Havoc's face.

Mustang eyed his lower ranked subordinate skeptically, "Lieutenant, are you sick? You've got a disturbingly pink complexion on you. I suggest you go to the clinic where they can check you out." Roy finished, though as seconds surpassed, he widened his eyes realizing another view of what he just said, "Ah! To check up on you. O-on you're condition, I meant.

Jean Havoc discreetly felt his cheeks. They were slightly warmer now. What was this, anyway…? He had felt the same thing happen thrice already for the past two weeks. Shrugging it off never seemed to work for him. But the sole root of the emotion seemed to always narrow down to only one variable.

"Colonel?"

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

Havoc approached the desk with fairly small steps. "I'll have them ready by quarter to 9."

The colonel raised an eyebrow high as Havoc began to sort and shuffle the cluttered papers lying about on both his desk and the floor. "Have _what_ ready?"

"Uh, your office work, sir. I'll lay them out all filed and ready by 8:45 sharp," the tall blond said without a pause in the small chore he was working on. Somehow, he already knew what his actual "job" really was; picking up after the colonel.

Roy stared.

'_Wow, he's sure diligent. Guess I didn't have to even ask..._' a tinge of guilt couldn't help but be felt as the colonel thought. Someone as loyal –or as convenient– as this couldn't be found just anywhere. He would have to keep that in mind if ever he were to give personal reports on his subordinates.

"Ah… yes… uh, well, you have my gratitude, Lieutenant," Roy nodded and accepted the rare act of kindness. "You may go."

Jean Havoc nodded back after picking up the last piece of paper at the far end of the room, then walked out towards the office door. Despite resisting, he stole a last glance at the captain leading to a surprised look on his face.

_Wait a minute, was… was Roy blushing...?_

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"9:02…"

Roy Mustang glimpsed at his watch. His eyebrows furrowed with looks of fret and thoughts of disappointment,

"_Late again…_"

He tapped his foot relentlessly. How ironic it was, for someone like him to be affected by tardiness, when he himself barely knew the meaning of deadlines. Tardiness… or was it something else? As it began to darken, streetlights lining the avenues outside Central Command becoming neither dark nor helpful, he felt the chill.

Roy was just about used to the cold already. Everything nowadays mostly was composed of broken promises… what more his life? It all started just a months ago… Could others have known already? That was probably the reason why his dates now avoided him by making excuses. He still held on to the past, yet somehow it tried to escape his fingertips. Doubts still surrounded him… did those mutual feelings they had even exist?

Enough of the sentimental junk. The girl he was meeting was late for justifiable reason and nothing else; no hidden agenda whatsoever. Or was there?

Sigh.

It didn't matter… there had to be someone out there… someone who could stay longer… One who would accept him for being what he is and not just the exterior side of him that always managed to attract.

"Sir?"

"L-lieutenant!" Roy exclaimed, obviously startled to see Jean Havoc a few inches from him, apparently exiting the main door of headquarters. Jumping back in surprise, he hit his head on the cement behind him, not realizing how far the wall actually was from him.

Havoc, slightly embarrassed to see the colonel at an unexpected time, more likely an awkward situation, averted his gaze from Roy's as he spoke, "Oh, Colonel. I was just on my way home. I placed your work on your desk like you asked me to… though you weren't there so…"

"I didn't ask you to."

"Oh, right…" Havoc's voice trailed off as he remembered his willing gesture to complete the colonel's task. Right away he changed topic, "So… what are you doing out here anyway? Colonel…"

"What am I doing here?" Roy answered his subordinate with the same query. A poignant thought came back and reminded him that he was waiting. That realization brought him to the familiar discomfort. He lowered his head to frown, as he solemnly began to ask himself aloud, "Good question… what _am_ I doing here…"

Havoc too lowered his head. Even he could sense the dejection and an immense lack of cheer in the voice of the man adjacent him. The lieutenant nodded to himself sensing that this wasn't a good time; he could save all else he had to say for their next encounter. He then started to walk off the path to the opposite direction down east.

"Lieutenant."

A rough voice cut Havoc off his rhythm and stopped him before he took another step. Heaven knows what Roy could've wanted. The called-for lieutenant stood silent waiting for what else Roy had to say. He figured he'd get trapped in emotional ranting he would probably face if he stayed longer. Havoc knew Roy had been left alone somehow… he knew some girls now avoided him, as opposed to their reactions before. But then the only thing he didn't know was why… why it had been that way in the first place… Whatever it was, it was as if he would never have a chance with him…

After moments of silence, Havoc chose to be the one to speak, breaking the seemingly permanent sound barrier, "Yes, sir?"

"Lieutenant," Roy repeated once more. A slow smile appeared on his face making Jean Havoc again feel those butterflies in his stomach. With the mood completely changed, he thoughtfully voiced out eventually continuing his earlier phrase, "Do you…

"Do you like soup?"

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The clinking of spoons and forks seemed to diminish in the usually bustling restaurant as soon as the two got there. Eyes were on them; this was not rare for Mustang, though. His fame as one of the most powerful officers highly exceeded him. However, it seemed like that was not the reason they were being stared upon. Odd stares were mostly caused from the fact that they had barely, if not never, seen Mustang on one-on-one dining with another man. As friends, that would be reasonable, but you know how people talk…

Roy did his best to ignore them as he and Havoc sat on the comfy red diner couches across each other, of course, with a table between them.

Not a topic of conversation came amidst the two 'til a young brunette waitress came to take their order.

"What would you like, sirs?" she perkily and politely asked the two.

'_Great… she's pretty. Just what I need… another woman for him to be charmed by…_' Havoc sarcastically thought to himself, checking to see what reaction the colonel had on his face. Lucky for him though, he wore a staid expression, not at all smitten. Roy suddenly glanced at Havoc. Feeling rather defensive, he gave an expression that said a 'what?' After a few awkward seconds, he quickly scanned the menu, realizing just then that Roy all he was waiting for was for his lieutenant to file an order. He was to have the pumpkin soup with a tossed tomato salad on the side.

The waitress nodded with a smile right after and left with the menus toward the kitchen. Somehow it slightly bothered the lieutenant that her ass was shaking pretty seductively. He looked again at the colonel. No reaction whatsoever. In fact, he was staring out the window.

"Rain."

Havoc quickly looked up from twiddling his thumbs right at Roy. It was the first word spoken between the two in quite a while, aside from ordering their food, that is.

"I'm quite useless in the rain," Roy added with a laugh, observing the soft and harsh droplets that pattered against the windowpane. Of course, he was referring to his alchemy of using flame either to assist or annihilate; the kind that made him appear powerful and top notch among other things. But in spite of the fact that he couldn't use his ignition glove on rainy days, a tone in his voice made it seem like that that wasn't it that was upsetting him.

Havoc quickly changed topic again, sensing more to-be emotional disturbances as soon as a waitress –a different and much, much older one this time, thank God– arrived with their late night meal. Not wanting to get involved much, he exclaimed, "Best soup joint in town, you said, right? By the smell of this, I guess I have to agree." He gave a weak smile along with it. The colonel too smiled back and nodded. Again Havoc tried to put up a conversation,

"You on a diet, colonel?" he joked indicating the small portioned club sandwich Mustang ordered.

"Oh, no," he sounded a small chuckle. "I had a lot for lunch. And it's pretty late, so I guess I shouldn't be eating much at this time of night." He grinned and once again broke of in silence after that.

Havoc quietly picked on his salad with a fork. The quiet was indeed disturbing, both the hush stillness between the both of them and the one in the absence of people, judging from how late it was already. So was the fact that Mustang just could have been avoiding any dialogue since, well, ever. Although it was more so for now compared to other times. It could make one think though on why Roy had invited the second lieutenant to this quaint bistro, what's more, why had Havoc even accepted his superior's impromptu invitation? Those were similar to the thoughts Havoc was having right now. '_Maybe the opportunity's just not right… and here on I thought this would've been good timing,' _he pondered over it as he focused on separating the olives and wedged hard boiled eggs that lay on his plate as if they were waiting to be eaten.

It was now again a moment wherein he couldn't understand at all these things about Roy… these things that go on in his head… But then again, since when could he ever have? Exactly why Havoc deeply hesitated saying all these things he had on his mind… everything. The colonel might take it unexpectedly and probably laugh it all off. That would be death by embarrassment. He knew deeply that the colonel never wore his heart on his sleeve. Well, not intentionally, that is. Precisely why his stomach rumbled with more butterfly feelings as he thought with fret and insecurity. Oh, how vexing. Maybe he was thinking too much? Or maybe not, he probably just couldn't face reality. The reality with the fantasy that just could never be his…

Yeah. He _was_ thinking too much.

Roy was still in the same trance even as Havoc already finished both his salad and soup; as opposed to the colonel who barely even took bites out of his sandwich. The chance wasn't now and the lieutenant would just have to accept it. He had to leave, his gut, mind, and everything told him so… though it seemed like it was only his heart that wanted to stay.

Still with Roy oblivious to everything else, Havoc slipped a few bills out off his wallet and placed it on the counter; both for his and Roy's orders, respectively. It was only then when he stood that his commanding officer took notice and alerted himself as though he had woken up from a hundred year sleep and immediately saw bright lights.

"Thank you for the meal, sir. I best be on my way now. I'm afraid I left my dog unfed."

The colonel was surprised at the last sentence. And according to the grapevine, so was Havoc, he didn't realize how something like that came out; it was the first time that ever happened. Especially since he didn't even have a dog. Was he that desperate to… leave? Apparently, it was also the first time tonight that Havoc saw Roy's face actually fall, more on pain than just sentimental obsessions. It was bittersweet to see it. He didn't know what else to do except the option he intended already to do. To leave.

Softly he uttered something that was barely audible, due to thunder and lightning joining the rain just now. And then he left. Roy's voice didn't call out to stop him this time, what for? It wasn't like there was anywhere else to go to, or anything else to say for that matter.

_'10:24…_'

Roy time checked his watch. He was back to where he started. Left alone. Not at all how he intended things to go. A coward… that's what he was. That's why he could never get anything right. Especially with… no, this was not the time to dwell on the past anymore. It was here, now, and the future. The future… it seemed so vast, yet the time in it appeared oh so limited…

"5 more minutes 'til closing time!" the nasal voice of an old bartender called out, possibly the owner. Oh well, he had to pick himself up somehow. No use in secluding himself in a dismal abyss to rot forever. No matter how hard it was to cling on. Sigh.

As he stood to put on his coat, he found himself grasping through air. Oh wait… he left the coat on his office chair. That proof of forgetfulness didn't help either with the fact that Roy was already on the verge of looking for excuses to pull himself down now some more. He was losing it. There was no chance of rising back to the surface now, it seemed. He walked out the door way, nearly slipping; both due to the heavily formed rain puddles and the shock of seeing a certain man,

"Lieutenant?"

The blond he was referring to looked up with a half smile. He was standing more or less six feet away from him, drenched in rain since the restaurant owner never stopped to think on how people would keep dry in a rainy overcast – specifically, putting at least a portico out beside the building.

"What took you so long?" Havoc tried his best to keep his face firm amidst the now harsher droplets falling down on his head and shoulders.

Yet Roy still stood speechless, not knowing whether to ball him out on standing in the rain uncovered, unreasonably hug him – for what the insanity he had now was worth –, or to demand an explanation. He chose the latter, obviously pushing away the idea of the second.

"Lieutenant, wh-…what are you still doing here?" he stuttered out as an unexpected nervousness came out only to be prolonged by the semi-confusion he had that very moment.

"Oh, didn't you hear me? I said I'd wait out here for you…" he flushed in pink hoping the colonel wouldn't have a puzzled reaction. He shrugged the emotion off, mentally scolding himself not to feel that way. It just wasn't… right.

"…" Roy looked down, suddenly guilty and aware of the most that had been going through this night. Few moments passed, he turned his head up again meeting Havoc's gaze from afar,

"I suppose you want an explanation… for all this…" his voice trailed off, slowly detaching the eye contact they had.

The lieutenant gazed at him meaningfully for a split-second. He did want clarification. Then pretended to sound clueless, "Explanation? There's no need… I understand the – "

"Bullshit."

"P-pardon…?"

"I bet… I'm pretty sure you yourself were stuck wondering… on the situation… on me and other useless shit…" Roy said gasping the air after each pause. The snappy tone in his voice took Havoc by surprise. He was taken aback and stared intently at the colonel as if he was a madman. As fast as the derisive attitude had come, Roy suddenly lost his poise and fell out of balance.

"Colonel!" he immediately caught his commanding officer in the midst of him tripping. A powerful shade of crimson came onto his face again as it may possibly have also on Roy's. Little did they know though that either of them had been painted in bright red. Due to the fogginess of the air from the rain, they were unaware of it. The situation brought them to silence; the familiar type of sound, 'til Roy was the first to react as he brought himself to his feet from Havoc's trustful grip.

He gave a weak chuckle, followed by an awkward hiccup. "It seems I haven't been myself lately, have I?" the colonel hiccupped again in between the sentences. "I'm sorry, I had this imported booze back at the office from the Second Lieutenant Breda weeks ago. Hell knows why he ever gave it to me in the first place. I guess it looked to good to resist at the time. And the results are kickin' in just now and _wow_ is it strong… some weird beer, eh? I probably don't look too sober right now." He ended his rambling with a final hiccup.

"Er… I sort of figured that out a lot earlier, sir. Your ranting sort of gave it away," Havoc gave an innocent smile as he recalled what happened just a while ago. It was as they were on their way walking to the bistro the colonel brought them to. When it was out of the blue that Roy started ranting about the wonders of women. Havoc sighed with the memory.

'_I've definitely got no chance._'

Roy chuckled again as he got up – well he tried. Tipsy as he was, he was frequently tripping all over the place looking all hapless and such.

Havoc stared at the try-hard attempts of his colonel to walk in one decent line. He took a minute to slap his forehead and muttered to himself finding humor in the drunken man's actions. "…Oy…"

"Uh… sir? You need any help?"

"No, no lieutenant. I can manage on my own," he chimed in a chipper voice. He spoke too soon. Ironic to his bold statement, his face soon met the pavement.

Ouch.

He laughed it off in his high state, with muffled mumbles, "I'm okay"

"C-colonel!' he rushed to the commanding officer's side.

"No need for the drama, Lieutenant," face still on the floor, he waved his hand to where he thought Havoc's head was. He suddenly got up and started wobbling here and there eventually singing, "I'm okay! Why do birds suddenly appear? Everytiiiime you are –"

Havoc stared. That last key obviously threw the taller man off judging by the way he cringed. Even though Havoc himself was not much of a singer, he definitely knew the colonel was singing off-key. But then again, who in the world would want to give a damn about that when the colonel's sanity was at stake?

He admitted the little lie he told earlier just to get it out of his system, "Um, colonel. Before anything I'd like you to know that I don't have a dog. Sorry, I…don't know how it came out a while ago…"

"A dog? Ohh, no biggie. It's not important really." Another hiccup as the colonel replied. Very far from being clear-headed, actually.

Havoc hoped it was the last thing he'd see of the colonel, as he let out an exasperated sigh. He wouldn't want to support an undecided, drunken, high man his whole life. He briskly walked to the senseless colonel realizing he had to do at least something. Havoc grabbed Roy by his shoulders,

"Colonel! Pull yourself together! You won't be able to wake up for work tomorrow if you go home like this!" he was desperately trying to bring him back to his senses, "You're going to be sick as a dog! And I…"

In that same second, the man he held by the shoulders seemed to have been harder to hold up. As he released his grip, Roy Mustang collapsed unconscious unto the only sober man's chest. His face flushed realizing he had the man in his hold. He held him tight with words still unspoken,

"…I can't have myself leave you like this…"

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Havoc lit another cigarette but immediately extinguished it realizing Roy Mustang was asleep right beside him in the passenger seat. He drove as carefully as possible. The man needed a rest, he worked too hard – or maybe that was only what Havoc thought. It was tough getting Roy back to the car, with him being unconscious and all – good thing he had left his car in a repair shop nearby the day before – but not as tough as resisting a smoke.

'_Patience, Havoc, patience..._' he mentally told himself. Mustang's house was only a few blocks ahead. He sighed. But then how could he explain he didn't want it to end? The whole night as he worked on the colonel's papers – the ones he volunteered to do earlier that night – he fretted on how to tell the colonel… his feelings. Yet the topic seemed so unapproachable because, well, Roy _was_ Roy. He found the man a tad bit intimidating. But then to be true to himself, he had to confess. He just had to. Though it was as if fate hated him, judging from the events that happened so far. All this time he was ready, sort of, yet the right opportunity couldn't come as easy. Well, what did he expect? He doubted his feelings would be returned, it never worked much with any girl, what more Colonel Roy Mustang?

Okay. Havoc was thinking too much again. He probably should focus more on the wheel.

They were nearing destination when Roy suddenly stirred.

"Jean?"

Havoc again was filled with the familiar red color, realizing Roy actually called him by his first name. He replied back relieved that he was finally awake yet nervous at the same time, "Sir?"

"I'm sorry…"

"Sorry for what, sir?"

"Call me Roy… please…"

Havoc nodded for a second, then repeated back his commanding officer's name, "Roy."

The car stopped. It was parked right in front of a dark colored apartment. Apparently Mustang's stop.

"I'll get the door for you," Havoc was about to get out of the car when a hand placed lightly on his shoulder stopped him.

Roy's voice sounded meaningful. "Please… stay first."

Havoc nodded to the situation he wasn't all that familiar too. He knew Roy was serious, so he decided to listen.

"I… I just don't know what to do anymore… Answer me this, do you… know the feeling of being incomplete…? It's like… I want to say something… but I just can't…" Roy moved a gaze to the lieutenant's eyes. "Nothing works out… no matter how well planned beforehand… Stupid of me to think like this, I know,

"But I can't help it… how can you tell someone you've loved for quite a while now the things that are meant to be said…?"

The blond's heart was thumping against his chest. He didn't want to be here, no… Everything was too confusing to bear. He couldn't…

"I know this isn't much but…"

The sentence unfinished, Roy then moved his face in closer to the man, his lips meeting the other.

'_Soft…_'

Havoc closed his eyes despite the suddenness, wanting to freeze time and remain just like that. But everything had a beginning and an ending. Roy held it for what seemed like an eternity and slowly backed out. Jean Havoc stared at him lost in thought; this he wasn't expecting…

"I just hoped that would be the best way to express it… that I love you, Jean HavocI_… _love_… you_. Sorry it took so long…" Roy then gave a smile, and exited the car, leaving Havoc more speechless than ever.

It took ten minutes for him to realize what just happened. Gently he raised two fingers against his own lips.

'_Did we just…?_'

They definitely did.

What had he been worrying about all this time? They both felt it… they both knew… Funny how that moment came when they both felt all was almost lost.

Roy was right. Words weren't always accurate. There are some things that sentences can't even come close to explaining. That being that he loved Roy. That nothing could replace nor hinder that feeling.

He drove off smiling the most heartfelt smile he ever had in ages.

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A/N: Okay, I probably did leave bits and pieces hanging. The colonel's past for one. Where it says that it started month's ago was… let's just say, he got interested in the same gender as his. He found someone though he and that certain person went kaboom… just kidding. Things didn't work out. I'm not revealing any more. You probably figured this out (and I'm probably just insecure that you wouldn't) but Havoc's obviously worried the colonel would find Havoc's confession very odd. Though for him to feel that way, he obviously didn't know about the colonel's feelings for guys. So… yeah. Hope this answered the vague-ness. If not, er… just say it in the review. Thanks for taking the time to read :) 


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